We went to orientation with open hearts but still just preparing to do respite care (babysitting for foster parents to give them a break.) Thought we would proceed slowly. However, at some point we were discussing possibilities.
We were told if you are looking to adopt this is not the way to go because the mission of DFCS is to reunite families. Having said that, if parental rights are terminated these children will need to be adopted and the foster parents get first shot. They also have a foster-to-adopt program which you would be called when rights have been terminated so there isn't the uncertainty. The problem we saw from our perspective, was most foster parents adopt them and also, that is who the child has been bonding with all this time instead of the me. Was it worth the risk of a broken heart? We are still wondering that. We also have our four children to think about too. They are very excited and hopeful of expanding our family. They would get attached too. Could we bear to say good-bye? Could they? Could the child? Is it too much heartache? These concerns do not go away. How do they do it? Foster parents, that are successful but have to say good bye.
It's like having children though, what if I wouldn't have conceived being afraid of what if I miscarry?what if there are complications? What if tragedy strikes after they are born? SIDS? Disabilties? Childhood cancers? Accidents?......you see how we can drive ourselves crazy?!!! So if I would have avoided the possibility of pain I would have missed all the joy I get daily from my beautiful, blessings.
F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) not that it is not a real possibility but it is not evidence yet. I also know that God is not the author of fear, Satan is. The bible mentions us not being afraid, or fearful 365 times. Maybe that is once for each day of the year! I like that, because that is about how often I need it. Satan wants us to skip the blessing. God also didn't promise us a pain free life just that He would be there with us through it. Can I trust God with my heart? He's never failed me. My life hasn't been pain free, no one's is. But when I have relied on Him to get me through He has always brought me to the other side of the pain.
We found out that our schedules conflicted with the county's classes we were required to take. They referred us to a different Christian organization to take the classes. I mean, different than the adoption agency we were using originally. So the next step is six weeks of classes which are sure to be eye opening.
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