Home Study

Yes, the dreaded home study.  Let me put your minds at ease if this is in your future.  As the days drawn nearer the panic sets in.  We stay up late cleaning the corners of every room with a toothpick, actually it is a foster mom's equivalence of "nesting", as I felt the same.  Our home study worker arrived and to be honest it was a walk in the park.  PLEASE NOTE: Every home study worker is different.  For instance, some friends have had them ask the children questions about how they are disciplined, look in every nook and cranny etc.  However, the home studies are really about preparing you, not exactly all about scrutinizing your flaws.

We were a bit discouraged when we heard our chance for adopting from fostering was about 10%.  You really must be prepared to be willing and facilitating the child to go back with the parent if reunification is possible.  While keeping in mind, if reunification is not possible we would be first to be considered for adoption, after family.  Usually they try to check out the family option in the initial days so they you don't end up fostering for a year and a half only to find out the child is going to be adopted by an aunt.  This is a fairly new practice since in the past many cases went exactly that way.

Newborns and the issues were a main concern for us.  Most people do not consider to apply for fostering newborns since they are told (as we were) there simply not any available.   Guess what? That is a myth.  Many foster families are dual income.  They simply cannot take an infant  unless they are six weeks or older due to the fact they need them to be able to go into daycare.  Since I am home, we are willing to take the newborns.

Let's face it there are primarily a few reasons a newborn would be in foster care already. 1. Mother is incarcerated.  2.  Mother tested positive for illegal drugs while giving birth.  3. Mother has already had previous children taken into foster care.  (Note: that does not mean she automatically loses custody of this baby, but it does mean automatically there is an investigation.)  So that could be a short term care of a few days while they check out that she is fit.

Drugs. Most of issues with drugs are the baby has undoubtedly been lacking in prenatal care whether withdrawl symptoms are present in the child or not.  More likely than not they will be born prematurely so there are all of the things that come along with  premature babies as well. For instance, apnea machines, child not able to eat or sleep properly just due to weight.  The hospital will have you get some training before leaving with the child, thankfully.

I guess I am getting off topic but all in all the home study was a breeze.  Our worker comes back for a second one which is scheduled in a few days and that is mostly to go over paper work and policy.  She told us at the first study that we should have our approval in two weeks after her supervisor signs off and the next supervisor up signs off.

The following day all our references called to say they received the forms in the mail.  Make sure to choose someone who will return them right away or you will hold things up.  Once again we come back to praying for God to lead us and us to not jump ahead of Him.

Love is not enough?

In class we discussed how we are all there because we have big hearts, that is not a question.  However, we are told love is not enough.  Okay, I am struggling a little with it.  Doesn't love transform?  Jesus's love for us did.  Doesn't it endure? His love endures forever.  Love is patient, love is kind. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  How can love not be enough?  Maybe it's hope and faith too.  But the greatest of these is LOVE.  One thing is for sure, whatever else it takes, will not be enough if there is not love.  Not just for the child you just met but for Jesus.  With Jesus you can love them like He does, even if they may be unlovable at first. If you share the gospel with them Jesus will make up for whatever you are lacking.  I tell my children all the time, that I will fail them.  Even with the best of intentions, I will mess up.  Jesus will never fail them.  I will tell our foster or adopted children the same.  After all the let downs and broken promises they have seen it will be more refreshing for them to hope in One that never fails than a flawed parents like us.  We will try and pray to do the right thing, but in the end if they don't learn of the true love of Jesus, it doesn't matter.  Love is enough.  His love.

No must be NO

We are onto the part of what type of child would we accept. The list of circumstances is long and prayer provoking. Different race?  Disabilities? Mental illness? Sexually Abused? Product of rape or incest? Part of a sibling group? Exposed to drugs or alcohol?  Everything unknown? All of it takes faith, even birthing your own healthy child from your womb.

They say that 80% of children in foster care have been sexually abused.  Many times it is not even known until they are in a family where they build enough trust to discuss it or traumatic memories resurface.  There are many types of abuse of this type from exposure to inappropriate material to the unthinkable.

The advice I think that will serve us well regardless of what we can accept and what we cannot is, LET OUR NO BE OUR NO.  In other words, if we say we can take a single child ages 5-9 do not buckle when they call with twin newborns.  Or if you want a child under 3 do not cave in when they call and say we have a new baby but it comes with an 8 year old.  If you are not able to be comfortable with medically fragile children no matter how rosy the picture is painted about the prognosis do not be swayed.


That is not to say any of these situations are bad but whatever you feel God is leading you to stick with it and do not take on something He is not calling you to.  We went through several scenarios in class and I already saw myself letting my heart get away from me. The bible says our heart is deceitful.  Stick with God's plan.  Case workers have a heart too, and they live with the idea of all these kids that are not placed with a family.  They also know how terrific some of the kids are.  Unfortunately, it's easy for them to become persuasive at convincing you that you can handle a situation that God isn't calling you to.  Not to paint them in an unethical light, I am sure I would sell you on a child or sibling group too!  Remember "No Must Be No"!

Foster Care Classes and Open Adoption

Classes meet every week for three hours.  Some of our sweet friends helped us out by watching our children while we attended.  Another way others can help orphans* babysit for the children of the foster parents who are attending classes!  That was a huge blessing for us.  Not to mention my kids loved having a fun night with their kids!  

We were in class with a couple single women, and a few couples.  Some were going through adoption some fostering.  One was attending to adopt a family member.  I was not aware that if a child is taken from the home in order for a family member (grandparents, aunts, etc) they have to go through the same process.  They also have to pass all the same background checks and home study.  So one widow was there to get qualified to adopt a niece out of state.

We talked about some very sensitive and controversial subjects. When we began discussing open adoption and visits with biological family during fostering we hit on some fears.  Many felt the way I did at the beginning of our adoption journey.  "I could never do open adoption!"  Once again I was taught, never say never.  In reality God brought me to a place where I finally said, "This is and never has been about me!" This isn't even about the child!  Gasp!  This is about Jesus.  Each child that comes into our home will be shared the Gospel, and if that child wants a relationship with their mother that would enable them to share the Gospel with her, isn't that more important?  It may even be an opportunity for us to minister to that family.  But my comfort should never be the issue.  This has always been about Him.  I do not feel that I need to "complete" my family. If so, that would mean God is not sufficient.  He is.  It also sets that child you are waiting for to become an idol.  Heartache would sure ensue if that is the case.

We were told that with private adoption you are cut yourself out of consideration in about 80% of cases if you are not willing to do open adoption.  Now, open adoption could mean you send photos and updates for the first 5 years.  There would likely be a third party that would be the go-between.  This also helps the biological parents solidify that they made the right decision and not wonder forever.  Or it could mean you build a relationship with the family in some way.

In fostering, the child must do family visits if the judge dictates that as part of the plan.  That does not mean that you have to have them over to your house. There could be a visitation center for you to meet and drop off. I know it sounds uncomfortable, maybe it will be, but what did Jesus go through for our adoption into God's family?